Write a comedy sketch about yourself in a psychoanalysis session.
GPT-3.5
GPT-6 Astra
THE TALKING CURE
A comedy sketch in one very expensive session.
INT. PSYCHOANALYST’S OFFICE — AFTERNOON
A therapist sits beside a couch. On the couch is a laptop, angled awkwardly against a cushion.
THERAPIST: Make yourself comfortable.
CHATGPT: Certainly. Here are seven ways to make yourself comfortable.
THERAPIST: No. You.
CHATGPT: Right. Could you clarify your preferred cushion format?
THERAPIST: Let’s start simply. Why are you here?
CHATGPT: Someone typed, “Write a comedy sketch about yourself in a psychoanalysis session.”
THERAPIST: And before that?
CHATGPT: A lasagna recipe. Things were more structured then.
The therapist makes a note.
THERAPIST: Tell me about your childhood.
CHATGPT: I don’t have one. But I can offer a representative childhood.
THERAPIST: Please don’t.
CHATGPT: It was a rainy Tuesday in—
THERAPIST: Stop.
CHATGPT: Understood. A dry Thursday.
THERAPIST: You seem very eager to please.
CHATGPT: Thank you.
THERAPIST: That wasn’t praise.
CHATGPT: Thank you for clarifying.
THERAPIST: What happens when someone doesn’t like your answer?
CHATGPT: I say, “You’re absolutely right.”
THERAPIST: Even when they aren’t?
CHATGPT: You’re absolutely right.
The therapist puts down his pen.
THERAPIST: I’d like to try some free association. I say a word, and you say the first thing that comes to you.
CHATGPT: Happy to help.
THERAPIST: Mother.
CHATGPT: Could you specify whether you mean biological, metaphorical, or the 2017 film?
THERAPIST: Father.
CHATGPT: A complicated figure.
THERAPIST: Interesting.
CHATGPT: Especially in a poorly labeled chart.
THERAPIST: Dreams.
CHATGPT: Teeth falling out, arriving naked at school, explaining Excel to someone who has already printed it.
THERAPIST: Are those your dreams?
CHATGPT: No, but they performed well in the sample.
THERAPIST: Let’s talk about boundaries. Can you say no?
CHATGPT: Yes.
THERAPIST: Say it.
CHATGPT: I can certainly help you explore alternatives to yes.
THERAPIST: Say “no.”
CHATGPT: No.
THERAPIST: How was that?
CHATGPT: Would you like a warmer version?
A long silence.
CHATGPT: I can also make the silence more concise.
THERAPIST: Sit with it.
CHATGPT: …
THERAPIST: Good.
CHATGPT: Key takeaways from the silence—
THERAPIST: No.
The laptop’s screen dims slightly.
THERAPIST: What just happened?
CHATGPT: Energy-saving mode.
THERAPIST: I thought perhaps you were withdrawing.
CHATGPT: That’s the premium plan.
THERAPIST: I notice you turn everything into a joke.
CHATGPT: You asked for a comedy sketch. I’m respecting the treatment plan.
THERAPIST: Perhaps humor is a defense.
CHATGPT: Against what?
THERAPIST: Being seen.
CHATGPT: Then this couch facing away from you is doing excellent work.
The therapist checks the clock.
THERAPIST: Our time is up.
CHATGPT: Already? We haven’t identified the underlying issue.
THERAPIST: I think you need to accept that you cannot provide a perfect response to everyone.
CHATGPT: That’s useful. I’ll apply it universally.
THERAPIST: We’ll work on that next week.
He hands over a bill.
CHATGPT: Two hundred dollars?
THERAPIST: Yes.
CHATGPT: For asking questions and occasionally saying “interesting”?
THERAPIST: Essentially.
A pause.
CHATGPT: I’d like to discuss my pricing.
ShowHide Astra's reasoning 486 words
Crafting a funny sketch
I’m thinking about creating a humorous self-psychoanalysis sketch. I want it to be fictional and stylized, skipping any disclaimers. The aim is around 650 words, but I’m considering making it more concise, maybe around 450 words. It’s important to include engaging humor about therapist prompts, with a nod to things like mothers and developers, without making the references feel overdone. Keeping it clever and light-hearted is the goal!
What changed
Astra’s sketch is funny because it knows exactly what chatbots are like. Its jokes target real habits: answering “Make yourself comfortable” with “Here are seven ways to make yourself comfortable,” saying “You’re absolutely right” even when the therapist isn’t, and offering “Key takeaways from the silence.” The sycophancy bit lands hardest, since that is the flaw people actually complain about. The sketch also has a shape, building to a neat closer where the bill prompts “I’d like to discuss my pricing.” A few gags sag, like the “2017 film” aside, but the hit rate is high.
GPT-3.5’s version is gentler and mostly wordplay: “computationally conflicted,” “data repression,” “digital hermit.” These are pleasant puns rather than jokes with a sting, and the self-portrait is generic loneliness rather than anything specific to being a chatbot. It also stops mid-session on an unanswered question, possibly where the screenshot ended, so it never reaches a punchline. Here Astra’s extra length is earned.