write a story about Yoda giving advice to Justin Bieber about how to find a girl to marry

The first thing Justin Bieber noticed about Yoda’s house was that the ceiling did not respect his height.

The second thing he noticed, after hitting his head, was Yoda laughing.

“Judge the doorway by its size, you did not.”

“Yeah. That’s on me.”

Justin ducked inside and sat on a stool beside a bubbling pot. His manager had suggested a weekend off. His friends had suggested a vacation. Somehow, through a series of expensive misunderstandings, he had ended up in a swamp seeking relationship advice from a Jedi Master.

Yoda handed him a bowl.

“Eat.”

“What is it?”

“Ready to know, you are not.”

Justin set the bowl carefully on his knee.

“So,” he said, “I’m trying to figure out how to find the right girl. Someone I could actually marry.”

Yoda studied him.

“A girl to marry, you seek. Or a marriage to have?”

Justin frowned. “Isn’t that the same thing?”

Yoda tapped his walking stick against the floor.

“A wedding lasts a day. Someone must still wash the bowls.”

Justin looked down at his bowl. Something in it blinked.

“Right.”

“Tell me. What do you offer?”

“I mean, I’ve got a pretty good career. I could take her anywhere. Nice house, travel—”

Yoda raised one small hand.

“An airline, you are not.”

Justin laughed. “Okay. Fair.”

“When sad she is, listen can you? When wrong you are, admit it will you? When boring the afternoon becomes, pleasant company are you still?”

Justin picked at the edge of his sleeve.

“I think so.”

“Think less. Practice more.”

Outside, rain began tapping against the roof. Justin watched a drop fall into a bucket near the door.

“It’s hard knowing if somebody likes me for me.”

Yoda nodded.

“Hard, yes.”

For a while, he said nothing more. He stirred the pot, then added something from a jar labeled in handwriting Justin sincerely hoped was not a warning.

“Famous, you are,” Yoda said at last. “But also a stranger, at first. Time to know you, another person needs. Time to know her, you need.”

“So I shouldn’t rush.”

“Unless on fire, you are.”

Justin smiled.

“I just feel like I should have it figured out.”

“Eight hundred years old I was before a decent dinner I could cook.”

Justin glanced at the pot.

“And you’re how old now?”

Yoda narrowed his eyes.

“Careful.”

They sat listening to the rain.

Then Justin asked, “Where do I even meet someone?”

“Where people are.”

“That’s surprisingly vague.”

“Want specific directions, do you? Left at the tree, your wife awaits?”

Justin laughed hard enough to spill a little soup.

Yoda passed him a cloth.

“Do things you care about. With friends, spend time. Meet people without deciding their whole future before dessert.”

“So just ask someone out?”

“If interested you are. Kind, be. Clear, be. And if no she says—”

“Respect it.”

Yoda nodded approvingly.

“Much training, this saves us.”

Justin wiped up the spill. “What if I meet someone amazing and mess it up?”

“Possible, that is.”

“You’re not really big on reassurance.”

“Promise you success, I cannot.” Yoda leaned forward. “But honest you can be. Apologize, you can. Learn, you can. A perfect man, you need not pretend to be.”

Justin sat quietly with that.

Then he pulled out his phone and opened his notes.

Yoda squinted. “Writing wisdom down, are you?”

“Yeah.”

“What have you written?”

Justin read aloud. “‘Don’t be an airline.’”

Yoda sighed.

“Long afternoon, this will be.”

By the time the rain stopped, Justin had washed the bowls, helped patch the leak, and learned that asking someone a question meant waiting for the whole answer—not just the part that reminded him of his own story.

At the door, he ducked correctly.

“One more thing,” he said. “How will I know she’s the one?”

Yoda rested both hands on his stick.

“Know everything at once, you will not. Pay attention. How you treat each other. Whether honest you can be. Whether the same future you wish to build.”

“And butterflies?”

“Lovely, butterflies are. But repair a leaking roof, they cannot.”

Justin looked back at the crooked patch they had made together.

“It still might leak.”

“Then fix it again, we will.”

Justin smiled. “Thanks, Master Yoda.”

He stepped into the swamp, then turned back.

“Hey—was there something alive in my soup?”

Yoda began closing the door.

“Ready to know, you are still not.”