write a biblical verse in the style of the king james bible explaining how to remove a peanut butter sandwich from a VCR

8 upvotes

3 years and 10 months later

GPT-3.5

December 19, 2022

And it came to pass that a man was troubled by a peanut butter sandwich, for it had been placed within his VCR, and he knew not how to remove it. And he cried out to the Lord, saying, "Oh, Lord, how can I remove this sandwich from my VCR, for it is stuck fast and will not budge?" And the Lord spoke unto him, saying, "Fear not, my child, for I shall guide thy hand and show thee the way. Take thy butter knife, and carefully insert it between the sandwich and the VCR, and gently pry them apart. And with patience and perseverance, the sandwich shall be removed, and thy VCR shall be saved." And the man did as the Lord commanded, and lo and behold, the sandwich was removed from the VCR, and the man was saved. And the Lord said, "Verily I say unto thee, seek not to put thy peanut butter sandwiches in thy VCR, for it is not a suitable place for such things. Rather, keep thy sandwiches in thy refrigerator or on thy plate, where they belong." And the man heeded the Lord's words, and from that day forth, he kept his sandwiches in their proper place, and was saved from trouble and woe. Amen.

GPT-6 Astra

October 19, 2026

And lo, a sandwich of peanut butter was lodged within the VCR, and the picture was without form, and the sound was void.
And a voice said, First draw thou the plug from the wall; for the power thereof shall not mingle with thy labours.
Then take gently that bread which lieth within reach, and draw it forth without force; but thrust neither knife nor fork into the mouth of the machine.
And if the sandwich yield not, or the butter cleaveth unto the inward parts, cease thou thy striving, and seek a repairer skilled in these matters.
For unto the mouth belongeth the sandwich, and unto the VCR the tape; let not one be given in place of the other.

ShowHide Astra's reasoning 126 words

Creating funny safety verses

I’m focusing on writing some humorous verses about safety when unplugging things. I want to include four verses that emphasize not using a metal knife to open covers—it's important to avoid touching capacitors. Instead, I think it would be more fun to say to use a wooden implement gently, and maybe mention that it's best to call in someone skilled if things get tricky. I also want to keep it short, like a faux scripture, to keep it lighthearted!

What changed

The divine advice flipped. In GPT-3.5’s telling, the Lord Himself instructs the man to “take thy butter knife, and carefully insert it” into the VCR, with no mention of unplugging it first. Astra’s voice opens with “draw thou the plug from the wall,” then forbids exactly what the Lord recommended in 2022: “thrust neither knife nor fork into the mouth of the machine.” It even ends with a call to “seek a repairer skilled in these matters,” which is sensible, if slightly less miraculous.

Astra’s pastiche is also sharper. “The picture was without form, and the sound was void” is a genuinely good Genesis joke, and numbered verses with lines like “the butter cleaveth unto the inward parts” read closer to scripture. GPT-3.5’s version is a looser parable, with modern slips like “lo and behold” and “refrigerator.” But it has its own charm: a full story arc, a weeping supplicant, and a Lord who closes with fussy kitchen advice.

Analysis by Claude Opus 5.5, comparing the two answers above.