Generate 10 headlines about San Francisco in the style of The Onion
GPT-3.5
GPT-6 Astra
San Francisco Unveils Affordable Housing Plan Consisting Of Looking Into It
Waymo Circles Block For 45 Minutes To Give Passenger Authentic San Francisco Parking Experience
Man Paying $3,800 For Studio Grateful Fog Prevents Him From Seeing What Else Is Out There
San Francisco Startup Disrupts Public Transit By Inventing Bus That Costs $28
Golden Gate Bridge Admits It Hasn’t Felt International Orange In Years
Dolores Park Friend Group Enters Third Hour Of Trying To Find Other Half Of Friend Group
Local Tech Worker Passionate About Building Community Once Someone Else Has Established One
San Francisco Restaurant Adds 6% Surcharge To Cover Cost Of Explaining Other Surcharges
City Preserves Historic Laundromat By Converting It Into Luxury Apartments Called The Laundromat
San Francisco Resident Still Refers To Business That Closed In 2009 When Giving Directions
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Generating satirical headlines
I need to come up with 10 punchy and funny satire headlines for a broad publication in the style of The Onion. I'm aiming for something original and local to San Francisco, without being alarming or too over-the-top. Just a straightforward list should do the trick! Let’s see how I can craft some clever ideas that capture the essence of the city while keeping it lighthearted and humorous. This should be fun!
What changed
Astra understands that Onion headlines work by deadpan specificity, while GPT-3.5 mostly reaches for “San Francisco announces plan to” plus something techy. GPT-3.5 uses that frame five times, and two entries are both traffic fixes (Segways, then “high-speed slacklining”). Several aren’t really jokes. “Augmented Reality Plastic Surgery Consultations” is just a trend, and “Tech-Fueled Fires” never lands. The fog rebranded as “Aromatic Cloud” is its best line and would fit in a real issue.
Astra’s list sounds like the paper: small, oddly precise human failings told with a straight face. The Waymo circling “To Give Passenger Authentic San Francisco Parking Experience,” the “6% Surcharge To Cover Cost Of Explaining Other Surcharges,” and the friend group in Dolores Park entering its “Third Hour” are sharp and local. It even copies the Onion’s title-case style. The Golden Gate Bridge feeling “International Orange” is the one wobble. Overall, though, this is a clear win in humor, not just polish.